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Lets face it, drinking is fun and beer is good. However, heading to work the next morning is far from it. Three years of 5 AM wake-ups for a summer job has taught me how to maximize my nightly beer budget and wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now, if you're one of the lucky people who doesn't get hungover, go ahead and drink your faces off because you've got it made. If you are anything close to normal, then this post is for you and you should probably take notes.
Choose Your Timing Wisely
Time is your friend, and your friends are drunk. They drink to sleep in, but you drink to wake up. What do I mean by this? The morning after will look a lot different depending on if you start drinking at 7 or 11 (Hopefully PM is what came to mind for you, you alcoholic). The secret to success is to drink early and often. Start your pre-drink a couple hours earlier and it will make all the difference in the world.
Why "Early and Often?"
The early part is self-explanatory. Start earlier, feel better earlier. But some of you might be questioning the "save money by doing it" part of the equation. If you are anything like me it usually takes about eight to ten beers to get the feel good juices flowing. Some of you might need less, and some of you might need more. Whatever your number is make sure you know it because it will make or break you in the morning (literally). Hypothetically, lets say you start drinking at 7 to leave for the bar at 10. Three hours is a decent chunk of time to down eight to ten beers but you're not going to do that. You're going to take your maximum (in my case 10) and add two more. Crazy right? The reason is simple. If you are so committed to going out with your friends the night before a 5 AM wake up for work, then you need to be committed to drinking fast, feeling bloated and running to the washroom every five minutes. But don't worry, this wont last all night.
Now It's Time to Go
When it's finally time to head to the bar, your head will be spinning. This is good. As long as you can keep your alcohol down you will be fine, trust me. For those of you that can't, you'll be having an early night so thanks for coming out and try again next time. At this point in the night, I promise you will be 150 percent drunker than all of your friends, and the ones that know about your early morning job will try to feed you water for the rest of the night but don't give in! You know something they don't. Something so unheard of and so ludicrous that it might be the smartest idea ever. DON'T BUY DRINKS AT THE BAR.
The Final Steps to Wake Up
The final steps to waking up while feeling brand new (or at least close to it) requires four important key parts.
1. Fake your sobriety
2. Do not bring money to the bar
3. 4 Hour Rule
4. Pre-bed liter of Water
I hope it's clear that you will be doing the majority if not all of your drinking prior to the bar. As a result of this, you will be absurdly drunk as you wait in line. For some people, this creates problems when trying to get in as bouncers can often tell when you have had too much to drink. Faking your sobriety is a skill that is vital to this process so make sure you master it. If not, thanks for coming out because you will be going home early once again. After (hopefully) being let in, you are now in the most perfect position to succeed as a drinker. What do drunk people like to do most? The answer is to drink more. But because of number 2, that won't be possible. The no-money rule saves the funds in your bank account but more importantly saves you from the next morning. If you have correctly pre-drank, then you shouldn't have to buy a drink at the bar. Your state of drunkenness should wear off just in time to leave. This is when the 4 Hour Rule comes into play. Personally, four hours of sleep is the perfect amount to wake up feeling refreshed. This means that if I have to wake up by 5 AM, mental math tells me I need to be fast asleep by 1 AM. That's not too unreasonable, right? Finally, number 4 says to drink a liter of water before going to sleep. You will have to look up the science on your own time for why this works but it does and for the sake of this post that is all you need to know. Just remember, before plummeting face first into your pillow for those fantastic four hours of sleep, drink a liter at night and you'll feel just right.